I needed this.

Somehow I knew today was going to be great before it even started. I even considered bailing at the last minute. Last night, even. (I'm an introvert.) I almost made up some bullshit reason to stay home. I didn't, though.

I rarely get to see my mother and sister and I regret that. I regret it even though it isn't my fault. We live on different sides of a very divisive mountain. My sister lives on the other side of a mountain that's further still. We also just move in different circles.

I wanted this day though. I asked for it. I needed it. Partly because, since my accident, whether I was really aware of it or if I wasn't, I was slowly withdrawing further into myself and a part of me knew deep down I needed to stop it. I was climbing into my own head because I had nothing else to distract me. On the other hand, because of my accident, I'm so fucking thankful to be alive now. I'm aware of everything. I feel everything. I need everyone I love to know that I DO love them and want them around. I always had a habit of estranging myself, like some fucked up defense mechanism. I don't care about any of that passive aggressive shit anymore. I very well should have died that day, but for some reason, I didn't. I escaped with a few scrapes and a mildly burnt ear. I haven't been stopped yet. The sand I was given is still moving through that glass. Maybe that was the reason for all of this. The kiss I needed to stir me from sleep.

I think that's what kept me from bailing. We had a great time. We didn't really do much, just putzed around and went to some flea markets. We laughed. My sister and her friend gossiped about the people of that horrible town I left behind. It was enough to distract me from the fog I've been in. I was happy...but after it was all over, I was glad to be home. I get overwhelmed very easily and I need Babe to center me after being away. I'm more appreciative of him lately. I'm more appreciative period.