One of my biggest fears about the times is that the Internet and the "convenience" of e-readers will kill book shops...and libraries, for that matter. There is nothing like losing yourself for hours in an honest-to-God, proper paper book. I pray that we will always have this. Call me old fashioned.

                 

priorities, darling. you understand.

I'm in a much better mood today. Sort of.

Today, I'm "surfing the crimson wave" and I'm hungry something fierce. I've been putting it off and dicking around on my computer. If I don't get away from this screen and eat something soon, I'll...I'll... I guess I'll just be hungry. I can't think of anything that's more worthwhile than eating though.

Winter is coming...

I've been tinkering with this blog for ages. Not really posting anything of importance but I promise I will, someday. I mess with the looks of it, endlessly, and by the time I have to drop it and go do something more productive, I haven't really accomplished any real blogging. This is entirely my fault. I have no excuses to offer.

Is anyone else really bummed about how fast the summer went by? I mean, where did it go? It feels like just yesterday that I was rolling around in a golf cart, in shorts, complaining about the heat. As of right now, where I live (PA), it is 74°F. It's a beautiful day.  While this is considered unseasonably warm for this time of year in this region, there is still a bite. The air has teeth. I'm not complaining. Soon there will be snowflakes falling and winter is a cruel, cold bitch. I'm taking whatever warmth I can get.

Loving this new computer. It's a (fucking really nice) desktop computer, which is what I wanted in the first place. Laptops really don't appeal to me. Yes, they're convenient. No, they aren't for me. I like typing without my thumbs grazing a touchpad, and zipping obliviously into another type field and having to keep clicking where I WANT to be typing. Happened all the time with the laptop and it sent me into the red every time. I really resented that thing. I'm glad it broke. Not glad I lost all my shit (for now) but things happen for a reason (per my Tibetan tattoo).

This is my blogging for the day. I'm gonna go make some tacos for dinner. It's Taco Monday. Taco Tuesday is so mainstream.

PS, I'm so fucking glad that "The Walking Dead" is back on.

Crash & Burn

So my laptop crashed. Everything, as in pictures, documents, etc, gone. Got a new computer yesterday and it's leagues better.

A word of advice, make data discs with all your shit. On the reg. If you don't you might regret it. Trust me. I kept putting it off and now look where I am.

New ink!! :)

"Everything happens for a reason" in Tibetan.

L.O.V.E.

"The Balance" (buy this print here)

The love that a person feels for someone is like a mental asylum. Some won't know what it is until they're in it. 

Love doesn't have any faces to fall on, or cracks to fall into. When a person tries to find love, they either find extreme happiness, extreme sadness, or utter turmoil. Love can fill a person with a fire that will spread from the depths of their soul to the tips of their fingers, igniting every nerve in their body. Uncontrollable. Unquenchable. Burning you alive from the inside. The pain unbearable, yet so addictive. It will give you the belief that you can move mountains, create stars, or at the snap of your fingers give that one special person anything they desire, at that second. Anything. It will make you feel unbelievably happy one minute and leave you in heart-wrenching pain the next.

Love will make a person do completely idiotic and pointless things. Things that a person with 
rational thoughts normally would not do. Love will give you a high greater than all drugs put together. Whenever you feel it, it's like nothing can bother you. Everything that went wrong that day doesn't make a damned bit of difference when you see the one you love.

Love is accepting someone for every single one of their flaws. There isn't a perfect man or woman out there, yet we insist there is. Everyone has flaws. In order to feel love for someone, you need to be able to find their flaws. Flaws make things difficult sometimes and we, as humans, need a range of easy or difficult things to overcome, otherwise there would be no meaning to life. Love and life go hand in hand.

Love will bring out the worst in people. It will bring out the best as well.  It will take your world, turn it upside down, shove it all in a blender, and twist it beyond recognition.  It will take everything you know (2+2=4) and prove it all wrong. It will unleash tempers, and endless ecstasy. It will join hands together during hard times. 

Love is powerful.

Love means to care for someone more than you ever thought you could. You put their needs above yours even when you don't feel like it. It's sacrificial. 

Love is hard. It takes work. It is ultimate happiness, pain, trust, sorrow, dedication, loyalty, communication, tears, struggle, yet an eternal reward.

Love just is.

i just...can't.

Not sure if it's hormones or if I'm really just fucking FED UP with everyone.. done people-ing today. I can't people anymore. What do you do when everyone around you is so fucking spacy?? How do you deal? I CAN'T.

almost satisfied

I'll be working on this blog piece by piece as much as I can. I'm not satisfied with it. I'm never satisfied now that I think about it. Anyway, bare with me. It's going to look fucked up for a while.

In completely unrelated news, my birthday is in 2 weeks!! yay!

Insanity

I'm sure no one is following me so I guess I shouldn't feel too bad about not updating this more often. I do, though. When I started this blog, I had the intent of treating as sort of a diary. A place to vent. To bitch. To pour my little black heart out. Alas, it's been a bit of a challenge to find the time amidst work, playing Suzy Homemaker, and finding a minute to ACTUALLY FUCKING RELAX to really do much of anything. I'm going to start. Lately I haven't allowed myself much Me Time. And for a Cancer, Me Time is VERY important. Honestly, I've had so little Me Time that I think I could go schizo-murderous at any second. No bueno. Orange isn't my color.

Nothing is new, though.

I do have a gripe. I'm really tired of people asking me last minute to hang out. Only because they get pissy when I say no. I say no because it's the same people I've told a thousand times "Don't ask me last minute". Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results so does that mean my friends are insane?

You become.

People Skills

  It has come to my attention that I need to work on my people skills. (ME????? Surely you jest.) I'm not going to say who told me this. That's irrelevant. The important thing here is that I have been this way for as long as I can remember. "This way" meaning standoffish, defensive, nice but not too nice, and very unlikely to put up with any trivial nonsense or bullshit of any kind. I just can't. I think I'm fine with people. My job requires me to be nice. It's helped me deal with people better, actually. I like to think of it as therapy of sorts. So in general, I think I'm VERY good with people. In a general sense. NOW, that isn't saying I couldn't improve. I'm not great at it. It has a lot to do with my upbringing. My grandparents pretty much raised me and I was essentially an only child. My father was right there, as everyone pretty much lived on the same farm, but lets face it, after your dad marries a whore of a hosebeast, any kind of fatherly influence goes out the window. You've seen the movies. You know. I just don't deal with people well. I prefer they stay away. I'm not a loner. I like some people. It's just that a lot of people are really really REALLY fucking stupid. If they're not stupid, they're fucking twisted. Or shallow. Or any undesirable trait you can think of. Not everyone. Just the majority. That's why I said I like SOME people. As for me changing how I deal with life and the people in it? I don't have any idea how I would begin to do that. I've been this way too long and I just don't like people. I'm nice to a point. I'll destroy you before you destroy me though. I'm working on my anger and I've gotten better. Plus I have a boyfriend of 5 years, for Christ's sake, how bad can I be?

Say "I Love You"

                 

Midway Island

North East of Hawaii, the ocean currents form a giant whirl pool of debris from around the Pacific, the scientific name is called the North Pacific Gyre. It’s one of the largest ecosystems on Earth, comprising of millions of square kilometres.

Today it’s better known as “The Great Garbage Patch,” an area the size of Queensland, Australia where there is approximately one million tonnes of plastic spread throughout the ocean. Drag a net in any area of this part of the ocean and you will pick up toxic, discarded plastic.

Photographer Chris Jordan has documented this phenomenon.

I had been studying for quite a while the phenomenon called the Pacific garbage patch. I was looking for a way to visualize it, it was really surreal to land on Midway, seeing that my worst hopes of what I would find there are true. These are all albatross chicks, hatched out of their eggs and the very first meal they got was deadly to them. What happens is, when the eggs hatch one of the parents goes out and flies looking for food. They search over this vast area of the pacific and when they come back with is a belly full of toxic plastics, and they feed that to their babies. They die of starvation, malnutrition and chocking. Simply allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel about this, without jumping to the way to solve it. Because I think we really need to feel these things, even if the feelings are uncomfortable, because those are the feelings that will turn into the fuel and drive passionate action – Chris Jordan

The desire to change these things will put the human race on a journey to do so, and we are in the midst of it. Ultimately it is our choice as to whether or not we take the time to educate ourselves about our choices and begin doing things in a manner that cares for our environment and home more than our materialistic needs.

What can we do about this problem now? As much as possible, support eco-friendly products. Avoid being wasteful and purchasing new products each time a new version comes out simply so we can be up to date with the latest greatest. Create awareness about this issue and pass it onto your friends and family. Awareness has been key in changing various aspects of our world and so often we give it little credit. It is much more powerful than we think.

I needed this.

Somehow I knew today was going to be great before it even started. I even considered bailing at the last minute. Last night, even. (I'm an introvert.) I almost made up some bullshit reason to stay home. I didn't, though.

I rarely get to see my mother and sister and I regret that. I regret it even though it isn't my fault. We live on different sides of a very divisive mountain. My sister lives on the other side of a mountain that's further still. We also just move in different circles.

I wanted this day though. I asked for it. I needed it. Partly because, since my accident, whether I was really aware of it or if I wasn't, I was slowly withdrawing further into myself and a part of me knew deep down I needed to stop it. I was climbing into my own head because I had nothing else to distract me. On the other hand, because of my accident, I'm so fucking thankful to be alive now. I'm aware of everything. I feel everything. I need everyone I love to know that I DO love them and want them around. I always had a habit of estranging myself, like some fucked up defense mechanism. I don't care about any of that passive aggressive shit anymore. I very well should have died that day, but for some reason, I didn't. I escaped with a few scrapes and a mildly burnt ear. I haven't been stopped yet. The sand I was given is still moving through that glass. Maybe that was the reason for all of this. The kiss I needed to stir me from sleep.

I think that's what kept me from bailing. We had a great time. We didn't really do much, just putzed around and went to some flea markets. We laughed. My sister and her friend gossiped about the people of that horrible town I left behind. It was enough to distract me from the fog I've been in. I was happy...but after it was all over, I was glad to be home. I get overwhelmed very easily and I need Babe to center me after being away. I'm more appreciative of him lately. I'm more appreciative period.

Recover

"Those dark clouds can't hold much rain-

After it falls, they're gonna blow away..."

~"Recover"

#WearYellowForSeth

www.ourlittlehero.wordpress.com

oh, I LOVE this.

want it? get it here

Why?

The events of the last week have left me in a very philosophical, reflective mood. Things happen. Bad things to good people. Good things to bad people. So on and so forth. It's the nature of things. Everything has a bigger picture. Every occurrence has ripples. A purpose. At first I was really pissed off. "How dare that fucking kid destroy my car? What the fuck is wrong with him? Why me?"

Maybe I'm dazed. Maybe I'm being nice about the whole thing when I ask "What if him hitting me was to cause a different chain of events in his life?" I don't know. I don't know why any of this is happening. I'm both afraid and curious to see what the aftermath of this will be. Only time will tell.

But still though. This has been a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS.

You were too good for this world, Priscilla

Haven't been as active on here as I'd like to be, but lately I have an excuse. I was in an accident last Sunday (March 8th) and my beautiful 2012 Chevy Cruze was totaled. Some dickhead kid ran his red light and t-boned the shit out of it. My heart is broken. BUT bright side, I'm ok other than a sore neck. I walked away from it. Everyone was amazed. This is short and to the point because I don't like talking about this but felt I needed to blog for some reason. I got a brand new 2014 Cruze LTZ today so everything is cool in the having a car department. Nothing will ever take my sweet Priscilla's place though. Not ever.

Who cares?

my day.

I'm really bad at this.

Was supposed to go to work today. I didn't though, because it snowed a fuckton. I was homebound.

So I made cookies. Mass quantities.

I cleaned.

Watched TV.

Lost 8 hours of pay.

Tomorrow looks similar.

Really. Who?

Coco says it best...also..Happy V Day

click the pic to buy this.

this isn't working

I've been a HUGE Grade A bitch lately. I don't know what's wrong with me. Hormones are to blame for some of it. I'm just mad all the fucking time and I have no reason to be. Even when PMS can't be blamed I'm terrible. Starting to think I need medication but that would just be one more thing to pay for.

I keep repeating to myself "Be happy."

It isn't working.

Morning ritual every girl/woman should have

Winter is a cunt.

Also, as many of you know... and I say many because some people are fucking idiots and don't pay attention to shit... today was Groundhog Day in our sweet land of liberty. Just as I thought. 6 more weeks of winter.

Synonyms for winter are as follows.

1. torture
2. evil
3. awful
4. detestable

Man Crush Monday

Mr. Tom Hiddleston. Mmmm-hmmmmm.

Shame on him for being so good looking.

bye, bye January...

I can't believe it's February already. Where does the time go? I think I touched on this a couple posts ago... how fast time flies. It doesn't wait for you. It just leaves you behind, reeling. Thinking "where did it go?" and "What am I doing with my life?" I've accomplished nothing in the last month. I did get my car's registration renewed. And my income tax return filed. Thaaaaaat's about it. I haven't sketched anything. EPIC fail in the art department lately.

We're probably going to be starting overtime at work this week. More money, yes. Also more time away from home. It also means I have to get up earlier. I have a hard enough time getting up at 6:30. Now I'll have to be up at 4:30. *groans*

I wish it were March. I miss the golf course immensely. That's my spring,summer,early fall job. I LOVE it. I'm outside all day. Basically my own boss. And I make a bunch of money. I like money. A whole bunch.

I don't have any followers yet. I have stalkers. I just started this blog though. And I don't post much. I don't have much to post. I'm still in my funk I guess. Lack of inspiration. Winter kills my spirit. It's a vile, mean spirited, soul-sucking succubus.

January was the worst. This one is for you, January. It's been real.

Carrot Mask :)

Easy,  inexpensive and healthy! The  ingredients contain natural antiseptics and antioxidants which kill germs and protect the skin from damaging  free radicals.

Ingredients:

2 medium carrots – powerful antiseptic to kill germ and protect skin with antioxidants. Carrots help protect the skin from free radicals and promote the regeneration of healthy skin cells.

1 Tbsp honey – also antiseptic and reduces swelling
1 Tbsp olive oil – nourishes and cleans the skin
1 lemon – astringent and acidic.  This maintains the acid mantel of your skin which keeps in moisture and keeps out germs.

Directions:

1. Peal the carrots and steam until soft.
2. Mash the carrots into a creamy consistency.
3. Mix in 1 tbsp. of all natural honey.
4. Stir in 1 tbsp. of olive oil.
5. Squeeze a few drops of fresh lemon juice into the face mask mixture. Lemon is a natural astringent and will help clean greasy skin.  If your skin tends to dry easily, add only 8 to 10 drops; if you skin tends to be oily, add up to 1 tbsp. of lemon juice.
6. Use a spoon to drop small amounts onto your hands and gently massage the mask onto your whole face for several minutes.
7. You can keep it on for an additional 5  minutes.
8. You can then just wash it off with water in a sink or easier – in the shower.

P.S.  This is all food ingredients to after, any that you don’t use on your face – you can eat!
P. S. S.  If you go to a spa for this, it could cost $40 – $140! 

The lemon juice which is acidic when used topically has an alkaline influence internally because of the specific minerals it contains.

Check out this website for more healthy stuff and to support a cause.

Cara DeLevingne

I just love her.

Ellie Goulding - "Your Song"

hunger games

I haven't done anything all weekend... I worked ALL week and it's my right to be a lazy twat during my time off. I couldn't even be lazy though. I did housework and some other shit. Worked on this blog a little.

Yesterday I didn't really feel the best. I think it was a side effect of the garcinia supplement I've been taking. I'm not fat. Nor do I think I'm fat. I need to tighten up and I can't do that if I'm hungry all the time. I have no willpower. I WILL eat. Which doesn't help me in my endeavor to slim down. Hence, the garcinia. I've also been taking Relacore. It helps me with stress, which in turn, cuts down on stress eating. I've also been trying to exercise more. I want to be cut like a fucking diamond by the spring. Fuck this muffin top shit. It's not out of hand, but it will be if I sit on my ass and do nothing. Speaking of my ass, I need to get my squatting on too. Work on dat aaassssss. *ass ass ass ass ass ass* ANYWAY. Yesterday I was in a supplement induced haze I guess. If such a thing exists. I was in a funk. And I was really pissy yesterday morning. Half of that stems from Babe's negligence in the "picking up after yourself" department. He made something to eat and just left everything scattered in the kitchen and went straight to video games. *pet peeve!!* It really gets under my skin. I don't mind cleaning. It's my house too. But there's a fine line between splitting the housework and being a fucking maid. In case you're wondering, he cleaned up his own mess. He knows when I'm pissed. And why. Because I tell him. I don't play games.

(*Ladies. Don't be shy. Tell your man when you're pissed and why. Communication is key. Just try not to be a complete bitch about it. I struggle with this.*)

One of my nearest and dearest of friends stopped by on her way to Kohl's yesterday. I missed her face. We'll call her M.M.  I hadn't seen her in forever. She lost a ton of weight and she just looks so fucking good. Plus after a slew of losers she finally landed herself a decent man. They moved into a cabin in the woods together. It's beautiful. She's just doing so many great things and making good decisions now. I'm so proud of her. Also a little jealous because she's getting her tits done and I want my tits done now, too. Ugh. Whatever.

I really don't know what time I'm supposed to be at work tomorrow and it's kind of stressing me out. I'm gonna go eat.

Puss

Turbo <3

satisfaction

I'm not really a person that gloats or thinks I'm better than anyone. I'm not snobby. But seriously, I enjoy so much that moment when some stupid bitch gives me the stink eye somewhere, like she's better than me, and then we see each other in the parking lot, and she gets into a piece of shit beater and she sees me get into my Cruze. White with tinted windows.

Hahaha. Nice car, cunt.

Be mad.

:)

americana

insert witty title here.

Time is moving so fast. In general, at least. In the moment at hand, it seems as if it's crawling. I'm not sure if it's because it's so cold and miserable outside or if I'm just bored and don't know what to do with my day. But it seems like only yesterday it was last January. Only a few moments ago and I was at the golf course. In reality, it was only minutes ago that I was standing in my bathroom straightening my hair and wondering why the fuck it was so cold in there. Meanwhile wearing a cami and panties. Nothing else. I've since put more clothes on. I can't take the cold and I don't want to pay a phenomenal electric bill. ((It's actually 70 in here but I run cold. 80 is when I feel my best.)) I just want to be able to sit at my desk, look out the window, and not see death, mud, and patches of snow. I feel cold just looking outside. I want to see trees with leaves on them. Flowers. Birds. Life. I want to go out and start working in my garden. I just want to be outside. Getting a tan. I hate being trapped in the house. I'm not a winter bird. I just can't.

most likely

the race card

I hate hearing about this on an every day basis, and I'm sure you don't want to be lolligagging through the blogosphere just to stumble upon yet another bitching spree about race, and that's good. That's not what this is. You're in luck.

America is up to its asshole in a race war. I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong to be racist. Your views are your views. If you don't like a particular race of people, it's your prerogative. Whether a person is black or white or green or pink, is irrelevant. It's all in how you present yourself to the world. If you show respect to your fellow human beings and carry yourself with dignity, contribute in a positive way to society, and earn your money honestly, you're okay in my book. I'm not a racist myself, however, there are lots of things that coincidentally seem to keep popping up when a black individual is involved. Not all blacks do this though. I know a lot of blacks and I'm cool with them. They're respectful though. They have jobs. They're very nice people. Some I'm very close with. But these things right here, are reasons why general disdain would be confused for just racism. Just hear me out.

1.) I have no tolerance, NO fucking tolerance, for "yo yo yo whaddup whadduuuup, who you is, who dat ain't" bullshit. If you talk to me, you better have your grammar down pat, be respectful, and speak like you have some intelligence. Belligerently just yelling and having no respect for the people around you is also quite annoying. It doesn't matter who you are or what color you are. I can't tell you how much it makes my blood boil when I'm out somewhere and someone just starts yelling and making a scene and acting like an animal. How many white people do you see doing this shit? Mostly kids, right? If I DO see a white person doing this or speaking like they don't have a brain in their head, they get the same reaction a black person would. Disgust. Like, really? Grow up. Get some dignity. The only attention you get by acting that way is *negative*. It's not a race thing. It's a character thing.

2.) I don't like rap music because it's stupid. It's not because it's mostly by black artists. I like Alicia Keys. I love Bob Marley. I like Otis Redding, Aretha Franklin, John Legend and the like. Rap? No. I can't. There's no intelligence to it. Just noise.

3.) The hypocrisy of this "race card" has me perplexed. Blacks are allowed to say whatever they want about whites. They've got the Black Panther movement. They remake movies with all black casts. They can call us crackers to our faces and we're supposed to be ok with it. BUT GOD FORBID, WHITES would flip it and do the same thing. Where's the KKK? omg..NO...we can't have that. That's offensive. We have to have at least one black person in this show or movie, otherwise it's offensive. If we walk up to a random black person and call him or her the dreaded "N" word, all hell fucking breaks loose. It's hypocritical. I'm sick of how pussified this country is.

I could go on. But those 3 things are key points of contention with me. I don't care if it offends you. Stay off my fucking blog if you find it offensive.

I'm tired.

My schedule has been so crazy. I honestly think I've worked harder in the last 4 weeks than I have in the last 4 years. Holy shit. And no. I've not had the time, nor the strength, nor the desire to blog lately. Why? Well, you work 14 hours a day for 17 consecutive days with no days off except Christmas and New Year's Day and then tell me you give a rat's ass about blogging. Consider it a dare. This weekend is the first weekend I've had off in quite some time. I gotta tell you, the money is nice. However, the havoc it wreaks on one's body is phenomenal. I feel like hammered dog shit. I have no energy to spend all the money I've been making... That's a lie. I did just go on a hell of an online shopping spree. Only because I don't have the energy to actually go out and shop with the public. I can't stand people in optimal conditions, so I'm thrilled that I actually have a valid excuse to not participate in public if I so choose.