Fuck shit damn

Ok so I fucked my monitor up and now I need another one. Posting from my phone. Until I get one, I'm going to be on a bit of a sabbatical.

Over it.

I don't even know right now. My fingers apparently don't, either. I can't type worth a damn today.

I don't know how anyone else feels about this heat, but I'm telling you I've had quite enough of it. I'm done with the humidity, being sweaty and gross, the bugs, the pressure to be tan... all the trappings of summer. I'm over it. Right now, we're having a nice little thunderstorm. I do love me a good storm, and they are the only thing about summer that I look forward to. I am absolutely ready for fall. Ah, yes. Cooler temperatures, red leaves, hoodies, the bugs go back to hell, and of course, HALLOWEEN!!!! And, I'll be closer to meeting our little one. My heart is set on having a Halloween baby shower. Not everyone does it, and that's part of the appeal. I'm "not a traditional gal", as his sister-in-law lovingly put it. She offered to coordinate it, and no one else had, so she's taking the helm on that one. It's much appreciated. She loves the Halloween idea. I have to get some more pins together on my baby board and send it to her. I'm so excited!! 

As far as cravings go, I've had them, but no weird ones. Mostly pizza, pickles (only Claussen. all others are garbage), baby carrots & red pepper hummus, mint chocolate chip ice cream... normal stuff. I want a lot of it though. 

I really miss my Grandma. I haven't seen her in ages and I haven't really talked to her since falling out with Mom. There's no beef between her and I, I'm just busy and I don't call her like I should. I've been keeping her updated on the baby though. My sister and I are planning to surprise her one night and stay with her. Maybe watch some horror movies with her and watch her drink beer and listen to her conspiracy theories. Crazy old bat. We love her though. 

I have overtime Sunday. God help me. 

I'm in one hell of a mood right now. I just don't want to be bothered. By anyone. 

That's it. I'm not going.

So here I am, at nearly 4:30 in the morning, on a day that I should be getting ready for work. I should be getting ready right now. The problem is, I didn't sleep AT ALL last night, and I'm about to crash and burn. The only work-related activity I'll be doing today is calling in sick. I don't really want to, but I know I'll be worthless, and I'm pregnant. My body doesn't know what the fuck to do right now, so I'll give the poor thing another day to rest. I'll hang out with Zeus today. I don't understand how I can sleep a solid night on weekends and not sleep worth a damn on nights before I work. Mind-boggling.

Can I just say that I'm really excited to find out what our little bean is??? It's only a little over 3 weeks away and I am just OVER time going so slow.

Look what time it is... time for me to call in and try to go to sleep.

lexicon.11

misery loves company

Do I really want to blog right now? I may as well. It's not like I have anything else to do. I was already on here toying with CSS anyway. We ate. We're full. Everything is cleaned up. Everything is done. So why not?

I'm gonna bitch for a minute. I don't believe you should put more effort into people than they put into you. I don't believe you should jump through hoops for people just because they're friends with your significant other. I've always been a person who will go out of my way or make an effort to get to know someone once, and if I don't feel like it's being reciprocated, that's it. No more. They lose my interest forever. That's all I'm going to say about it. I'm not here to whine and there's really nothing to whine about. I don't give a fuck about people I don't know in general, but I made an effort for him-because they're his friends and I love him. Now I can say I tried.

I still haven't spoken to my mother. This will be almost 6 months. She never put in much effort either. She's made no move to reconcile with me, and with every month that goes by that she doesn't, my point is proven even more so. I don't need her. I never have. She's done literally nothing for me to improve my life since the day I came squalling into this world. I'm also completely unconcerned if she ever sees my child. I couldn't possibly care less. Call me heartless, if you want, but you don't know what she's like. I didn't make the decision for her to be my mother and she didn't even want kids when she had me. I don't look for any reunion in the near future and I'm not sure if I want one.  I love her but I don't want her toxic bullshit in my life. I won't allow it. I do miss my sister, though. I still talk to her occasionally. She's having a baby girl in September and I can't wait to see her. She's tired of Mom's shit, too. They're a little closer so I don't think she'll completely cut her off like I did. All I want for the woman is to just stop being so fucking miserable and to stop trying to control everything before she loses everyone. I just want her to be happy.

I'm going to go watch a movie with my child's father, I think.

I need a nap

I'm really over whatever this Wednesday shit is. What a day. Thank God I had an appointment and I could leave early.

I had the second portion of my quad screen done today. The nurse drawing my blood said the results from the first portion were perfect. Everything looked beautiful. Go me. After I was done with that, she sent me over to the other building for a cervical exam and that was fine. I finally got home around 3. I am SPENT. They aren't kidding when they say growing a human takes a lot of energy. I'm not complaining at all, but I would like to function on a higher level from time to time. If that's not too much to ask...

Almost forgot! Got a speeding ticket yesterday. That was lots of fun. He was nice about it though, and he gave me a break. I was doing 14 mph over the speed limit. Didn't even notice. He only put me down for 5 over, so I appreciate it. He could have been a total dick about it, as most cops are. I find that if you're respectful and cooperate, they'll be nice. If you act like a cunt (which is fucking stupid considering the mountain of trouble they can drop on you), they'll treat you like one. I respect our police. I shouldn't have been speeding. Period.
*sigh*

I can't think anymore. The baby has taken over my brain. It no worky. 

lexicon.10

Goodbye, June...

So the countdown begins... T minus 20 days, and I'll be 32. How exciting! Not. Although I must say, I'm healthier than I've ever been, I'm mentally in a good place, and this is the year I become a mother. I'm actually really excited to see what 32 has in store for me. 31 was nice. A little rough but it wasn't horrible. I'm stronger because of it. Maybe a little meaner. I'm always going to be an asshole. There's just no way to get it out of me at this point. It's set, my friend. Like a blood stain. The baby might help calm me down. We'll see. 

Work was hellish. I made it 6 hours and bounced out. Number one, it's hot as balls. 2, Today was my day off. Soooo, I said "yeah. fuck this".  I came home and had a fantastic nap. Then I ate ribs and fries. Worth it. Tomorrow is a different story. It's my regularly scheduled day so I'll tough it out. B stole someone's lunch by accident. I wonder if she ever figured out whose...