I don't even know

It is ridiculous how bad I am at this. It's been a beat.

I recently made a HUGE change in my life, and when I say HUGE, I mean I picked up and plopped myself into another reality. At the end of February, I ended my relationship of almost 7 years and just left. Not without a lot of thought. Why? Because 7 years had gone by and that spark just wasn't there anymore. No marriage and no babies either. I was ok with not having any of that for the longest time. I wasn't ready. Now I crave it. I'm 30 years old and my biological clock has been ticking louder and louder. I can't ignore it anymore. May I add that the emotional damage from the relationship before him had healed and I am not the backwards, broken thing that I was when I met him. Aside from all that, he's a great guy. We just weren't on the same page anymore. I do love him and he'll always have a place in my heart. He healed me in a lot of ways and was for the longest time my best friend. However, I need more than just a friend. I know I broke his heart, and I tried to explain that this was the best thing for both of us. Staying with someone that you aren't in love with is unfair to both people. He's ok now, I think. He's dating someone and he seems happy, but you know what they say about appearances being deceiving.

I'm with someone new, as well, and I'm completely certain that he was put on this earth specifically for me. He's amazing. Seriously. SO sweet. Driven. Hard-working. Hilarious. He makes me laugh more than anyone. We talk about everything and nothing for hours. We joke around. We're best friends. Literally twin souls. We just meld together so well in every way. It's effortless. **Devilishly handsome and cut like a diamond, to boot. AND THE SEX!! UUUGGGHHH...fucking mindblowing** It may be too early to say this, but I am, for once in my life, 100% sure that this is it. This is what I was made for. I'm going to marry this man. He will be the father of my kids. We talk about it all the time.


**side note** I really, REALLY should not have taken that allergy pill. I am six kinds of fucked up.