Finally

Sometimes I ask myself why I even bother with this thing. The answer is always, because I need to vent. To someone. Or no one. Either way, I need to get it out.

It's been a beat. 4 months. It's finally cooling off and I'm real happy about it. October has always been my favorite month. Leaves changing colors, hoodies, boots, Halloween... ugh.. it's just what life is all about.

I am still with the love of my life, and we're still growing as a couple. We're still learning about each other. We fight, we make up, and we're stronger for it. I don't know why people have this misconception that perfect couples never fight. (However, if you're fighting constantly, you're probably not with the right person. Just saying.) If you don't fight, there's no learning happening. You're going to piss each other off, especially in the beginning stages, because you don't know everything there is to know about what makes the other person tick. What sets them off. What hurts them. Every day is a process. Sometimes it's easy. Fluid. Other days it is a struggle to not murder them and bury them in an undisclosed location. Reasons I don't kill him are as follows - I don't look nice in orange. I'm pale. It doesn't flatter me. AND, as mad as he makes me sometimes (mostly just his stubbornness), I can't imagine life without him. He drives me crazy and he's an asshole, but I'm a bigger one. He's not as hateful, not as jaded, fed up with people, as I am. He's much more forgiving and understanding. I need that. He's teaching me how to love, and I'm teaching him that sometimes people do not deserve his kindness.

What else...

I left my old job. **He still works there... but he got promoted. He's a supervisor now, and I'm super fuckin proud of him** I just couldn't take it anymore. One particularly shitty morning in August, I decided I was having no more of those people and their bullshit and I said "Fuck it. I'm done." and I left. Justlikethat. It just wasn't the place for me. I'm not going to sit and speak hate because it's not worth it. That chapter of my life is over. It taught me a lot. I fulfilled my purpose there. I met my future husband and I'm grateful but I should have left way before I did. Everything has its time, as they say. My new job is leagues better. I love it. MM has been pestering me to come work with her, and I've considered it BUT that schedule they have set up is no bueno for me. Not gonna work. I'm happy where I am.

Things are shaping up. Slowly. I'm trying to focus more on living today and enjoying what's right in front of me right now. It's easier said than done. I worry about everything. Sometimes it devours me, but I'm getting better.