Oh Baby, Where Art Thou?

   We need a baby. We've been trying for some time now and as fun as it is to try (wowza), it's disheartening not seeing a positive result month after month. Everyone says we're trying too hard. Just let it up to God... as if I haven't been doing that exact thing for the last 4 months. It's hard to keep yourself from getting discouraged and wondering if there is something wrong with you. I'm not sure what to think. Maybe we're just not as ready as we think we are. We're so focused on getting pregnant that maybe we're just not looking at the big picture. Are we really ready? REALLY?

   I used to be so damned sure I didn't want kids. I hate the way this world is and I thought I was doing the right thing by not bringing another person into it. Looking back though, I know that I felt that way because I wasn't in the best mindset to really care for a tiny human AND I wasn't with the right person. He's a good man but we were on different wavelengths. J was made for me. I know it. He's going to be a great father someday. Until then, we'll just keep truckin. Truckin and fuckin.